At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
