Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
