im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
