do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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