i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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