Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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