My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
