someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
