Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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