my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
