There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
please don't ironically join a cult
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