If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
