Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
