For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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