if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Mom said you looked used
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
