We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
