Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
