Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize