Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
two words: eviction party
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
