i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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