if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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