just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
