the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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