Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bring me that man meat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize