dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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