Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
