I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
