she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize