Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
