Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
a search helicopter?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
