dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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