how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
