Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
