grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
