Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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