Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
