Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
