I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
