i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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