did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
