How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We left the knife in your bed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
