matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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