just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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