i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize