dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
