I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
