Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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