Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
