Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
