My room smells like vodka and shame
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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