The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
