I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
