do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
