Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
