are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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