I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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