If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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