I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's blow job season.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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