Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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