ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
