Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
