I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
