real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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