you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
