if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
