yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
