I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
