i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
