he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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