After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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