The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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