she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
