Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
