Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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