I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
