im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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