My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize